Awake and Alive
by WeLoveToHit
Summary: Life and death in New York is always a bumpy ride. Some hit harder than others. But when it happens to the NYPD, it becomes a whole different story. And it's not always what they expected. *Some spoilers for 'Pay up'*
1. Chapter 1

_So here's that story about the aftermath of "Pay Up". I'm sure all of you Don and Jess fans, including myself, are extremely disappointed with season's 5 finale. So this story is about what I think should happen. And don't worry; I'll be updating my other story soon!_

_Disclaimer: Yup, I'm starting to put these thingys in. I don't and never will own CSI:NY or any related characters. Unless I become super rich, but that's probably not gonna happen. Ever._

* * *

Today, May 20th, marks the one year anniversary of the death of Detective Jessica Angell. Her death was and is exceptionally hard for the NYPD to take in, especially hard for Don Flack. He never got the chance to tell her what he really felt, how much he really loved her.

"Why Jess? Why did you have to go?" Don walked down the crowded streets of New York, wanting to avoid all the commotion and problems that was the precinct. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the person walking straight towards him. Their shoulders hit each other's and the mystery person landed on the ground with a thud.

"I'm so sorry!" Don apologized, instantly giving the person his hand. "I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thanks." The person said, accepting Don's hand. "I wasn't really watching myself."

Don's eyes traveled down the person's arm and landed on a tattoo on their left wrist.

"Jess…" Don immediately thought, not realizing that he had said it out loud.

"I'm sorry, who?" The woman asked, tucking a long blonde hair behind her ear.

Don shook his head. "Nothing. You kinda familiar. Have we met before?"

"No, no I don't think so." The woman said, slightly nervous. She stuck her hand out. "I'm Nat."

Don shook her hand. "Don Flack. You got a last name?"

"Lafontaine." After seeing the look on Don's face, Nat added "It's French."

_Jess was French. _Don shook the thought out of his head. "Are all those real?" He motioned to the tattoo's covering the woman's right arm.

Nat smiled and twisted her arm around to show all the artwork. "Yeah, got most of them few years back. I don't supposed a clean-cut cop like yourself has any?"

"How'd you know I'm a cop?" Don crossed his arms.

Nat shrugged. "Just a hunch." She smirked. "And I can see your badge. Never can be too careful I guess."

"Hey, this is NYC. Anything can happen here." Don pulled something out of his pocket. "Listen, I gotta spilt. But here's my card if you want to talk."

Nat nodded. "Will do, detective. You should come by my shop 13th. I might be able to get 'cha a special discount."

Don watched as Nat mixed into the crowd, people filling in the spaces. He continued walking down the street until he felt a slight tap on his shoulder.

"Who was that Donnie?" Sam Flack asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "She's quite the looker!"

"Just someone I bumped into, literally." Don frowned as Sam waggled her eyebrows at him. "I'm serious Sam! I just met her!"

"Uh huh." Sam nudged Don in the ribs with her elbow. He shook her off without saying a word and trudged down the street.

"You kidding me? It's been a year Donnie! You have to let her go sometime!" Sam yelled at his back.

Don spun around on his heels and shot her a death glare. "I will never, ever let Jess go! She meant the world to me!" His sudden anger turned to sadness. "I don't think I could."

Sam hugged him and took a step back. "And that is what I'm for! To fill in the gaps and to borrow money!" She laughed when she saw the look on Don's face. "Relax, I'm just kidding!"

"You better be. I don't think I could afford you and all your clothes."

* * *

_Don groaned as he put his hands on his knees and breathed deeply._

"_How the hell did you get me to agree to this?"_

_Jess smiled and blew away some loose hair that had fallen from her ponytail. "Oh gosh, I don't know. How does me taking over your shift and having to chase some drunk guy 3 miles through traffic sound? Besides, this is good exercise."_

_Don straightened his back. "Yeah, but did it have to be kickboxing?"_

_Jess stuck out her lover lip. "But it's no fun by myself! I need a challenge cause the dummy doesn't move!"_

"_I do to move!" Don joked, raising his fists infront of his face._

"_You know what dummy I'm talkin' about, dummy!" Jess took her fighting stance. She could easily tell that Don was growing tired. But man was she just getting started._

_A few kicks, blocks, and punches later, Don found himself laying on his back in the middle of the mat._

"_I thought you were going to go easy on me!" Don complained, laying his arms flat._

"_Oh believe me, I am. You flipped when you should've flopped." Jess smiled, taking her gloves off. She stretched her hand out to help Don up when he suddenly swung his legs and swept Jess' legs out from under her, catching her just before she hit the mat._

"_Looks like you flopped when you should've flipped." Don mocked as her pinned her against the mat._

"_That's what you think smart ass." Jess grunted and placed her feet on Don's stomach, flipping him over her head. For what seemed the twelfth time that day, he landed on his back._

"_You're a mean lady." Don said from the ground, looking up at Jess._

"_And don't you ever forget that sweet cheeks!"_

Of course Don was joking when he said that. Jess had never taken offense to being called names, having 4 older brothers. That was one of the reasons Don was attracted to Jess: she would never become intimidated by others. Being a cop, she'd been called every name in the book. Jess would just shrug it off and say that it's just part of the job.

"Hey Flack, you in there?" Lindsay asked, waving a hand infront of his face. "You okay? You seem a little off."

"Naw, I'm fine. I was just thinking-"

Lindsay cut him off. "About Angell? Believe me, we've all been thinking about her." She sighed and folded her arms over her chest. "Look, me and Jess have been best friends ever since I started here. She's told me about you two."

"When did she-"

Cutting don off again, Lindsay shook her head. "It doesn't matter when, it's what she said. Jess loved you, she really did. She would've done anything for you in a heartbeat. All that she truly wanted to do was be with you."

"She really said that?" Don eyes his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

Lindsay nodded. "And Jess wouldn't want you to fell this way. She'd want you to be happy."

"But how can I be happy if Jess isn't here?" Don looked over at Lindsay. "I'm nothing without her."

* * *

_And that's the end of the first chapter. I just wanted to point out that if you find any mistakes in here, they're mine. I do write all my stories without any help and can't help it if there are a couple errors. Please tell me what you think and review. Flames burn you, so let's not put any of those in. I still don't get why the spacing keeps screwing up!! I apologize about that!!!  
_

_Yeslek_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Sigh, do we really need to go over this? Humpf, fine. I don't own CSI:NY or any of its characters. If I did though, certain people would have never died (cough cough) and a whole lot of fans would have been much happier.

"_Seriously Jess? Why did you have to be good at this too?" Don panted as he wiped the sweat off his brow. "First it was kicking boxing. Now this?"_

"_Your dad isn't the only one who showed their kid how to play hoops." Jess passed the ball to Don. "Besides, my mom and dad had 5 kids. Basketball was really my only chance to get to college." Jess smiled. "I thought you were always up to a challenge. Especially when it comes from me."_

"_I am! I just wasn't expecting you to be this good!"_

_Jess faked an astonished face. "I'm heartbroken! So then you'd rather me some prissy chick who cries whenever they break a nail? You must be getting short term memory loss or something/ I have 4 older brothers, remember? I was rolling around in the dirt as much as the rest of them were."_

"_You calling me old Angell?" Don started to dribble as Jess got into a defensive position. "You may be a couple years younger than me, but us old people still have spunk."_

_Jess stood up momentarily. "Spunk? Come on, get with the times grandpa and let's see if you have any 'spunk' left."_

_As soon as the words left Jess' lips, don immediately crossed the ball over and prepared to do a layup. Just as he was about to put the ball up, Jess jumped and blocked the ball with her hand. After catching the rebound, she dribbled over to the 3 point line and smiled._

"_Gotta be more creative than the, gramps. Gosh, with all your knowledge you've gained over the years, you'd think that you'd do something better than a left hand layup." She passed the ball to Don, who passed it back. "Even doing a simple-" Jess shot the ball at sunk it without using the backboard. "3 pointer would have been better."_

_Don stood back and looked flabbergasted. "You kidding me? A swish? And you got it in on the first try!"_

_Jess smiled and shot again. Like the first time, it went in. "Oh believe me, I wasn't trying. I wasn't MVP 3 years in a row for nothing, you know."_

_Laughing, Don shook his head. "I'll tell you what. If you can make a half court shot, I'll buy lunch."_

_Jess smirked mischievously. "And if I don't make it?"_

"_Oh I'll think of something."_

_Standing at the half court line, Jess spun the ball in her hands a couple times. Bending her knees, she lined her arm up with the hoop._

"_There's no way that Jess can make this shot. We've been here for a few hours and she looks tired." Don thought to himself as he watched Jess, but then became speechless when she started laughing and pointed at him._

"_Ha, yes! You owe me lunch!" Jess smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I'm thinking a nice expensive restaurant is sounding pretty good right now."_

_Don dropped his head and sighed. "Can we make it best 2 out of 3?"_

"_2 out of 3? Wrong game Donnie." Jess held the ball at her hip. "You're just trying to hide the fact that you owe me lunch."_

"_Aw come on! Best 2 out of 3?"_

_Shaking her head, Jess replied "Nope, we had an agreement. Half court shot and if I make it, which I did, you buy lunch." Jess patted Don's arm. "And by the way, I'm starving."_

_

* * *

_

The memory floated fresh in Don's mind as he walked towards the precinct. He'd been having thoughts and flashes of Jess all day long. He even swore that he saw her walking down the street, but as soon as the person was close enough, Jess' face disappeared and was replaced by a complete stranger.

The first thing that registered in Don's head was that the had-been empty desk that sat across from his was covered with boxes. More specificallycase files. The second thing that Don noticed was that the precinct seemed much busier than usual.

"Hey Travis, what's going on?" Don asked one of his colleagues.

Travis turned to Don, a frown upon his face. "A huge case we've been working on. A major gang the FBI has been tracking has suddenly increased in numbers and their crimes have escaladed. 8 months ago, the department sent one of our Sergeants in as an undercover."

Don sat at his desk. "Really? How come I wasn't told about this?"

"Um…" Travis paused a moment before saying "The captain thought that you could use the time off. Cope with Jess'-"

Don put his hand up. "Stop. Just don't even go there. Everyone thinks and says the exact same thing. The only way that I'll ever 'cope' is if I'm here and I try to forget about it."

"So you don't even miss her?"

This sent Don over the top. "You think I don't miss Jess? Don't ever say that again! Ever! I see her everywhere I go! Jess was special to me! Jess was more important than any of this!" Don yelled, standing up suddenly. His nostrils flared and his fists shook with anger.

A gentle hand was placed on Don's shoulder. "Come on Flack. Let him go, he's not worth it."

"He deserver's to get his ass kicked Danny! He-" Don put his hands up and turned around. "You know what? Just forget about it."

After the door to the locker room clicked shut, Travis breathed a sigh of relief and straightened his tie.

"Good thing you came when you did Messer. I thought he was actually going to-"

Danny growled and grabbed Travis by the collar. "You're lucky that I got Flack to leave. You really have no idea what he's going through, or are you really that stupid? Jess meant the world to Don, and still you have no respect for that. Don's just lucky that I didn't get here first, 'cause a hospital bed with your name on it was looking pretty good at the time."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize-"

Danny didn't even let him finish his sentence before he walked off.

* * *

"Thanks for inviting me Mac." Don said as they walked into the bar that night after shift.

"Don't mention it. I thought that after a day like this, the team would need a few drinks."

After a round a drinks, Stella finally broke the silence. "So how you holding up Don?"

Don sighed and his shoulders dropped. "By this point, I don't really know. It's hard. I keep thinking that there should be 8 of us here instead of 7." Don turned his eyes over to the band that had taken the stage.

"Hey there everyone, we hope you're all having a great night. The next song we'll be playing is dedicated to a person I miss very much. And I know he misses me too." The guitarist said into the mic, gaining everyone's full attention.

"I'm at war with the world and they

Try to pull me into the dark

I struggle to find my faith

As I'm slippin' from your arms

It's getting harder to stay awake

And my strength is fading fast

You breathe into me at last

I'm awake! I'm alive!

Now I know what I believe inside

Now it's my time

I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

Here, right now!

I'll stand my ground and never back down

I know what I believe inside

I'm awake and I'm alive!

I'm at war with the world 'cause I

Ain't never gonna sell my soul

I've already made up my mind

No matter what I can't be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak

And I feel like giving in

You breathe into again

I'm awake! I'm alive!

Now I know what I believe inside

Now it's my time

I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

Here, right now!

I'll stand my ground and never back down

I know what I believe inside

I'm awake and I'm alive!

Waking up, Waking up, Waking up, Waking up

Waking up, Waking up, Waking up, Waking up

In the dark, I can feel you in my sleep

In your arms I feel you breathe into me

Forever hold this heart that I will give to you

Forever I will live for you!

I'm awake! I'm alive!

Now I know what I believe inside

Now it's my time

I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

Here, right now!

I'll stand my ground and never back down

I know what I believe inside

I'm awake and I'm alive!

Waking up, Waking up, Waking up, Waking up

Waking up, Waking up, Waking up, Waking up!

* * *

_There aren't enough apologies in the history of apologies to say how sorry I am for not updating. Honestly, I have hardly watched any of CSI:NY. I'm really disappointed with how the show is going. They shouldn't have killed off Angell in the first place. The creators really screwed the show up. Any who, I have the next chapter to my other story right here (Tries to show you by smashing the notebook against the screen), so expect it up soon! _

_Yeslek. _

_If you haven't noticed, I've changed the title………….. again………….._


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't, and never ever will, own CSI: NY and its characters. If I did, I probably would be posting new chapters a whole lot sooner._

"Mac, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Mac looked up from his paper covered desk. Pictures of multiple victims showed up everywhere, their eyes empty and faces blank.

"You bet Don. What can I do for you?"

He sat in the chair opposite of Mac. "I was just wondering if you were assisting the feds with their undercover operation. One of the officers' told me-"

"Wait, back up." Mac interrupted. "What operation? I wasn't aware that the FBI was even here."

Don crossed his arms and sighed. "Well they are. You don't have any idea what's going on then?"

"Unfortunately, I don't. I know as much as you do."

Stella choose that moment to knock on the door frame. "Mac, the ballistic report just came in." A worried look was on her face. "You and Don will want to see this."

"We'll continue this conversation another time." Mac said to Don as they followed Stella to the ballistic lab.

"The bullets that killed this gang member have matched a gun in one of our databases. 9mL to be exact." Stella said once they entered the lab.

"That's good, isn't it?" Don asked. "Got the match and you've got the gun. Add those together and you've got a suspect."

"Normally, yes. But not when it comes from a police issue." Stella paused. "And definitely not when the gun is registered to someone who was killed in the line of duty." She turned the computer screen around so the other two detectives could see what was on it.

"The bullets are a match to Angell's gun."

Don shook his head. "No. That's not possible. Jess hasn't……. her gun has been in lockup. It hasn't been used. There's just no way."

"That's what I thought too. But trust me Don; I checked the striation marks and every other test I could think of. All the results came up with the same answer. Those bullets came from Angell's gun."

"I still don't believe you. I put it in lockup myself." Don's hands curled into fists.

"As much as I don't want to believe it either, Don." Mac said. "But evidence doesn't lie."

"I won't believe it!" Don yelled. "How many times do I have to say that there's no way in hell that gun was fired! I said that I personally locked it up myself. It was put there a year ago and hasn't been moved since! I can even prove it!"

Mac put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Alright, we'll go down and see."

* * *

The three detectives walked down the middle of one of the aisles. Even though he could count the number of times that he had been here on both hands, Don had memorized the location of where he had placed Jess' weapon.

"This is where I put it." Don reached up and pulled a box clearly marked 'Detective Jessica Angell' from the top shelf. He put eh box on one of the empty tables at the end of the aisle and lifted the lid without much hesitation.

"Where is it?" Don dug though all the papers piled on top on each other. "How could it not be in here?"

"Is something wrong?" Stella asked.

"It's gone. Jess' gun is gone." Don's voice started to break. "That's not possible. I remember putting it in."

"Excuse me." Mac shouted, getting the attention of a uniform that was at the front desk. "Has anyone recently opened this box?"

The uniform shook his head. "No sir, not recently. Though about 7 months ago someone did come in asking about the same box."

Mac raised an eyebrow. "You happen to catch their name?"

"You bet. We have the whole form on file. It's standard procedure to keep all records." He typed on a computer for about a minute when they finally looked up. "Well that's odd. I can't get into the file. The whole thing's classified."

"Hold on a minute. Did you just say that you can't access the file?" Don asked. "But you said a few minutes ago that you could get into it."

"I'm sorry, Detective. But there's no way we can see it."

"Has this ever happened before?" Stella spoke up.

"No ma'am, never. All the other files seem to be accessible except for this one." He leaned back into the chair. "I don't get it. Why would someone not want others to see who took it out?"

Mac scratched at this chin. "What about security tapes? Surely those haven't been tampered with."

After watching a half hours worth of security footage, they finally came upon the correct tape. A few minutes went by without much happening when a woman suddenly appeared on the screen. She walked up to the front desk and slid a paper across to the officer on duty at the time.

Mac paused the footage and pointed at a small black object. "And there's our missing gun."

Don tilted his head to the side. "Can you zoom in on her face?"

Stella looked over at Don. "What is it? Do you know her?"

"I do. And I know where to find her."

* * *

Nat Lafontaine was sitting at a table bent over a drawing when she heard the doorbells chime. Setting the pencil down, she stood up and turned around.

"Good afternoon. Welcome to-"Nat began, but then recognized who had walked in. "Well if it isn't Detective Flack. I see you decided to take up my offer."

"Not today. I'd like you to meet Detectives Taylor and Bonasera." Don said, his voice cold.

Nat greeted them with a slight nod. "How can I help you?"

Mac spoke first. "Do you happen to own any guns?"

"Me? Own guns? I have no idea what you're-"

"Oh, but I think you do." Stella cut in. "Have you been to the police department in the last year or so?"

"No." Her answer came a little too quickly. "Listen, I don't know what you're trying to get at."

Mac slapped a photo of Jess' police issue onto the desk between them. "You've lied to us twice. One more strike and you're out."

Nat shrugged. "So maybe I've been there once. But that gun sure isn't the hell mine."

Don banged his fist on the desk, causing Nat to jump. "Look, either you tell us the truth, and I mean the whole truth, here or you can take a ride in a patrol car down to the station and tell it to us there through the bars of an 8x8 cell."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Nat's voice barely came above a whisper. Her eyes flicked up and widen with fear as she looked out the front window. "I think you should leave."

Stella's head shook. "Not until we get some answers."

"Trust me, you shouldn't be in here. You should go."

Mac turned to Stella. "In a way, she's right. We'll just have to come back with a warrant." They walked to the door. "Don, you coming?"

He waved them off with a hand. "You two go ahead. I still want to talk with Miss Lafontaine."

"You really shouldn't have stayed." Nat started locking the front door and closed all the blinds.

"I know that you know something, you're just not willing to tell." He watched her make her way around the shop. "Why are you so eager to get rid of me? I just met you a few days ago. What could I have possibly done?"

Nat groaned and returned to her spot behind the desk. "Nothing. You did nothing. It's not even about you."

"Then what is it about?"

"Don't you get it? I can't tell you!" Nat yelled, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Why can't-"

Suddenly there was a loud bang and the front window shattered into millions of pieces. Don dove behind the desk as soon as gunshots started ringing throughout the shop.

"Shit, I didn't think that they would be that quick." Nat mumbled as she started to load a gun.

"Didn't think who'd be quick? What's going on?" Don questioned, taking note on the magazine she was fumbling with. He then recognized the gun in her hands. "Where did you get that?" He whispered.

Nat didn't even look towards him. "You have to get out of here now! I can handle this! There's a door over there that leads to the back alley."

"I'm the cop here! I'm not leaving!"

Nat stood up and quickly shot off a few rounds at the source of the guns. "God dammit Don! I'm not asking, I telling! Go!"

He was shocked. "Alright, but the cops are on their way. Just be careful." Don stood up and ran to the backdoor and yanked it open. Looking back, he could see Nat behind the desk, reloading the gun. He shook his head and continued to run until he reached the end of the alleyway. Sirens could be heard in the distance. Don pulled out his phone and started to punch in Mac's number when he stopped.

Don. He thought. She called me Don.

* * *

_So that is where I'll leave you. Just as a heads up, 'It takes eyes to see', the sequel to 'Fell right into you' is now on hiatus. Before I actually post a new chapter, I always take time to edit whatever may need editing. As I was reading the chapter for the sequel, I noticed that it was indeed very corny and didn't make much sense. So for the next little while, I'll be re-editing and possibly re-writing that chapter. I'll post it whenever I feel it is ready to be put up._

_Yeslek. Gasp! Is that spacing I see? Oh wait. Shit, never mind. I thought I got it for once.  
_

_I would have said 'Come to the Dark side. We have cookies,' but I ate them all._


End file.
